Always Beginning Again

My students are working on an independent writing project. This semester, my goal was to write with my students like I used to do years ago. With so many classes, it has proven more difficult than I remember. At my previous school, I had over 150 students but only one prep. My lesson plan was the same for each class, so I was able to develop a writing idea alongside my students. At my current school, I have far fewer students, but I have four different class subjects to prepare for in addition to grading. The students in each class are focusing on a different type of writing, so I would have to come up with and pursue four different writing projects at the same time. While one writing project is feasible if I manage my time more wisely, four are difficult within the time I have. Today I wanted to do a demonstration on how to use a mentor text. Since I had no idea what I wanted to write, I had no idea what type of text I could use. Maybe, I would just give them a free day.

This morning, I continued watching a new series on Hulu called “Scamanda.” It’s about a woman who pretended to have cancer. She started a blog document her “journey” and used it to scam hundreds of thousands of dollars from the people in her community and church and who read her blog. I was just diagnosed with breast cancer last month and I wondered why it didn’t occur to me to start blogging about it. I have so many thoughts about what I’m going through and so many questions. I could use my blog to document my own journey. And then it hit me; I could develop a series of blog posts about my cancer and use that as my project to demonstrate for my class.

Could I really though? It’s been 2 years, 6 months, and 10 days since I wrote my last blog post. Can I really just pick it up again? Isn’t it getting a bit ludicrous? My blog is called Beginning Again. Can I just keep playing on that same theme? But then I thought about everything I have gone through in that 2 years, 6 months, and 10 days since I wrote that post. I got divorced, sold my house, moved into a new apartment and neighborhood, lost my mother, and was diagnosed with cancer. My life is significantly different now than it was on August 2, 2022–a whole series of new beginnings. When I got to school, I logged onto WordPress and started looking for mentor text. I checked some of the blogs that I follow and found that many of them no longer post entries. I guess I’m not the only one who give up on regular blogging. I finally found a blog I could use for my lesson. As soon as I finished my lesson, I began working on this post. I have decided I can begin again. Hopefully, it won’t be another 2 years, 6 months, and 10 days until my next post.

Featured

30 Day Writing Challege: Battling Fatigue

I am a writer, but I am also a teacher. After a long day of professional development and a long evening of working on my syllabus, the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and write. I’m tired and achy and I just want to relax, but I can’t build my students’ identities as writers without building my own. One thing I learned this summer is that to teach writers I need to be a writer — not a once-in-a-while-when-inspiration-strikes writer but a sits-down-and-writes-even-when-she-is-ready-to-drop writer.

A writer shows up and writes. Every day. No matter what, even if it is just for five minutes. To call yourself a writer, you have to write, even when you don’t feel like it — especially when you don’t feel like it. It doesn’t matter if you write brilliant prose or crap as long as you write — every damn day.

So, here’s to writing crap after a long day of teaching. I am a writer, and a teacher of writers.

Featured

Coffee Klatch

Start slow to go fast. I forgot this saying when I started my 75-day hard challenge last year. I made it a week and then, suddenly, writing felt a lot like work. My problem was that I tried to tackle too much at once. I had this convoluted writing routine that took me at least an hour to complete. By the eighth day, I was burned out. It didn’t take much to make me quit the challenge. I allowed myself one day where I didn’t complete everything in my writing routine. Then, the next day, I allowed myself to take a break, and then the next day and the next…you get the idea.

Start slow to go fast.

If I had taken on a workout challenge, I would never have tried the 75-day hard challenge. I would have started with a simple workout that fit where I was at physically. I wouldn’t have started with an hour run and then two hours of weightlifting. I would start with a short walk and then slowly build my stamina. If I kept up with the routine of exercise, then eventually I would be able to run for an hour. My progress might be slow but as I got in shape, the speed of my progress would increase.

Start slow to go fast.

I used to teach at a rough middle school. The principal would always tell us to take the time at the beginning of the year to develop classroom norms and routines. By taking the time at the beginning of the year to establish a well-managed classroom, we were able to increase our progress later in the year.

Start slow to go fast.

I am starting a 30-day writing challenge where I write five minutes a day for 30 days. It might not seem like much. What can I write in five minutes? I can write the introduction to a memoir that I would like to develop into a blog post. I can brainstorm new ideas. By the end of the month, I will have established a writing habit. Once the habit is established, I can increase the time I write. I can add other activities like reading until I can successfully complete a 75-day hard writing challenge. Wish me luck. I’m going to start slow and then watch me speed up.

Featured

Coffee Klatch

Photo by **Vlada Karpovich** from **Pexels**

I took a hiatus from my 75 Day Writing Challenge. I made it eight straight days without missing any of the tasks I had set for myself. I wrote every day for 30 minutes. I read a book on writing for 30 minutes. I wrote my blog post, and I read another 30 minutes. Then, Day 9 hit. On Day 9, I had my last formal observation for the year. I spent three hours that morning preparing. By the time my lunch break rolled around, I was spent. As I started to reach for my notebook and journal, my brain rebelled. It just wanted to rest. I thought to myself, What’s the harm in taking a lunch break? I’ll do my writing routine tonight when I get home. When I got home, however, my son needed help with his homework, and, by the time I could sit down to write, it was already after 8:00. I was exhausted, so I thought to myself, What’s the harm in taking an evening off?

Here I am after my 21-day break. I think to myself, What do I do now? Do I give up and just quit? Do I start my challenge again? Do I have to start over at Day 1? What are the rules for this? A soft voice replied, You make the rules. Do whatever the hell you want. So that’s what I am going to do. I decided that five tasks every day maybe too much while I am teaching full time. Yesterday, I sat down and wrote for 30 minutes and then read my book on writing for 30 minutes. I read a novel for another 30 minutes. Today, I am using my lunch break to write this post. Tonight, I will try to write for 30 minutes or read a few more chapters of the novel I am revising, but I also need to help my son build a cross-staff. That may take some time. I’ve decided that yesterday was Day 9 and today is Day 10. It’s my challenge and I don’t want to deny what I did accomplish by starting over. In fact, my little hiatus did me some good. I wasn’t sure what direction I wanted to take the novel I’m writing and the hiatus gave me some time to mull it over. I now have a direction that I think is better for my story than the original idea. So, I am not starting over but merely beginning again. Here’s to Day 12.

Featured

Coffee Klatch

Eight days and counting. I’m continuing to focus on my 75 Day Writing Challenge. I get a little antsy, though, because there is so much I want to do. In addition to becoming a writer, I want to make art as a regular part of my life. I want to clean and organize my house. And there is the ever-present issue of my health and weight. I know that if I try to work on all of this at once, I won’t have the focus to complete anything.

This 75 Day Writing Challenge is going so well. I thought that when I finish it, I will start a new challenge. I think my next challenge could be a 75 Day Health and Wellness challenge. I still don’t want to do 75 Hard, but I could choose five tasks that fit with my personal goals and fitness level. After that I could do some sort of arts and craft challenge and maybe a home organizing challenge.

I am hoping that completing these challenges will help me to build in the habits I want to establish in my life slowly. At the end of six months or however long it takes me, I will have a more balanced and productive life. When I get tired or discouraged, I remind myself that the time is going to pass anyway whether I’m working on the challenge or not. By the end of the 75 days, at least I will have something to show for my effort.

Today, I completed these tasks…

Wrote for 30 minutes
Read Scrappy Rough Draft for 30 minutes
Read The Scottish Prisoner
Read and took revision notes on Sins of the Father
Wrote this blog post

Featured

75 Day Writing Challenge: All or Nothing

With the Easter holiday, I wasn’t able to complete all my tasks for today. I had to get up early and do my lesson plans for tomorrow. I didn’t dare write first and then save my lesson plans for the evening, because I didn’t know how long we would be gone. Does that mean I have to start the challenge over? Do I have to call tomorrow Day 1? If I made that a rule, I would probably be doing this challenge forever. As committed as I am to this challenge, I know there may be days like today when I can’t quite finish everything.

One thing I am learning from this challenge is that I don’t have to be perfect to complete it. Sometimes, when I am trying to meet a goal, like writing or losing weight, I succumb to all or nothing thinking. I think that if I can’t complete every aspect of the goal every day, I’ve failed and I give up. Instead of focusing on perfection, I need to focus on progress. Maybe, I don’t perform perfectly every day, but at least I am progressing. I think focusing on what I accomplish instead of on what I don’t accomplish will keep me on the right track.

Today, I accomplished these tasks…

Wrote for 30 minutes
Read Scrappy Rough Draft for 30 minutes
Read The Scottish Prisoner for 30 minutes
Wrote this blog post

Featured

75 Day Writing Challenge: Momentum

I seem to be gaining momentum. For the past several months, when I would think about sitting down to write, I would cringe. It’s something I think about all the time but, for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’ve also been putting off revising the novel I wrote in 2018. I knew that I needed to read it before I revised it but I plunged in and started to rewrite it. The revisions soon stalled, of course, because I didn’t have a clear picture of the overall scheme of my novel. Yet, thinking about reading my novel also made me cringe. Another thing I wanted to do was study the process of writing. After teaching writing for over 20 years and writing off and on for nearly 50 years, you would think that I wouldn’t have any more to learn. While I’ve kept my academic writing skills honed, my creative writing skills have begun to rust.

Starting this challenge has helped me to gain momentum on all these things. I am writing for at least 30 minutes every day and I have read and taken notes on eight chapters of my novel. One thing I’ve realized is that it’s not as bad as I thought. I dreaded reading my novel because I thought when I read it, I would discover that it was crap. My draft is not perfect, but it’s not crap either. I think with some revision and editing, I can create something that I can publish. I’m not sure why this particular challenge is working when all my other attempts to create a writing habit has failed, but I’m not going to question my progress. I’m committed to keeping increasing my momentum.

Today, I accomplished these tasks…

I wrote for 30 minutes.
I read Scrappy First Draft for 30 minutes.
I read and took notes on Chapter 6-8 of Sins of the Father (http://musing550.blog/2018/11/).
I read The Scottish Prisoner for 30 minutes.
I wrote this blog post.

Featured

75 Day Writing Challenge: Excuses…

The mission statement at the school where I teach reads, “All students, regardless of background or skill level, will have the opportunity to pursue a growth mindset that will allow them to achieve mastery and to demonstrate they can succeed in high school, in college, and in their chosen career. No Exceptions. No Excuses.” The new Head of School and I were talking about the concept of excuses. What does that mean? “No Excuses.” There can never be an excuse? We were talking about our late work policy which is rather strict. Students begin to lose credit on their papers for being one class period late. The example we talked about is a student who turned his paper in late because he is homeless and living in his car. He couldn’t turn his paper in on time because he had no access to internet. Is that a valid excuse? Should he be given full credit for his paper? Another student says she couldn’t turn in her paper because she just didn’t get around to it. Is that a valid excuse? We decided that a distinction must be made between a reason and an excuse. Being homeless and unable to access the internet until a person gets to school is a reason for turning in an assignment late. Not getting around to an assignment is more of an excuse.

I began to think about my writing challenge. What would constitute a reason for not being able to complete my writing challenge on a certain day and what would be an excuse. Yesterday, I woke up with a horrible headache and upset stomach. As the morning progressed, I began to feel worse and worse and ended up taking a sick day. If I’m too sick to go to work, wouldn’t it be reasonable that I would be too sick to write? By evening, I was feeling a lot better, so I decided that if I didn’t write, it would just be an excuse. If I had a 100 degree fever and still felt ill, then perhaps I would have had a reason for not writing.

In the past, I have made a lot of excuses for not writing. I don’t have time. I have to cook dinner. I have to clean the house. I don’t feel like it right now. When I really put my mind to it, I am able to confront all those excuses and write. I made time to write by using my lunch hour to write. I still have to cook dinner but instead of sitting on the couch after dinner, I sit back down at the dining room table and write. I write instead of cleaning the house. I don’t feel like writing, but I do it anyway. The funny thing I’ve found about this challenge is that the words are coming more easily, so I don’t need to find excuses to avoid writing. In the morning, I start to think about my blog post and what else I can say about the writing challenge and my brain obliges with an idea. As I drive to school in the morning, I think about the story I’m writing and my brain tells me what is going to happen next. This writing challenge is actually priming my brain to write. It gives me reasons to write rather than excuses to avoid writing.

Today, I have accomplished these tasks…

Wrote for 30 minutes
Read Scrappy Rough Draft for 30 minutes
Read and wrote revision notes on Chapter 4-6 in Sins of the Father (http://musing550.blog/2018/11/)
Finished reading Magical Midlife Love and began reading The Scottish Prisoner
Wrote this blog post

Featured

75 Day Writing Challenge: Habits

Last night, after I ate dinner, I mindlessly went to sit on the couch and pick up my IPad. I had to consciously stop myself and make myself turn around. I realized that sitting on the couch after dinner and playing a game or reading on my IPad has become a habit, an automatic behavior that I no longer question. By consciously making the decision to sit down at the table and work on my writing, I made one small change in my routine.

According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, small changes like the one I made can lead to bigger changes down the road: “The difference a tiny improvement can make over time is astounding. Here’s how the math works out: if you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done. Conversely, if you get 1 percent worse each day for one year, you’ll decline nearly down to zero. What starts as a small win or a minor setback accumulates into something much more” (p. 15). That’s the benefit of doing a challenge like 75 Hard or my own personalized challenge. Challenges like these call for you to make small changes to your life and follow them long enough to make them stick. I have seen differing estimations for how long it takes to form a habit. Some books I have read say that you can form a new habit in as little as 14 days while others say that forming a habit can take as long as four to six weeks. I think the length of time varies so much, because each person is unique and has their own way of thinking and behaving. Some of us may be able to change our habits in a relatively short amount of time while others may take longer. I am hoping that by the end of my 75 day challenge I will have made writing a habit that sticks.

Today, I completed the following tasks…

Wrote for 30 minutes
Read Scrappy Rough Draft for 30 minutes
Read Chapter 4 of Sins of the Father and completed Revision Notes
Read Magical Midlife Love for 30 minutes
Wrote this blog post

Featured

75 Day Writing Challenge: The Honeymoon Period

Whenever I start something new, there is always a honeymoon period at the beginning. Whether it’s a new diet, exercise routine, or a writing project, I enjoy the novelty of the new activity and give it 100% until, suddenly, after a couple of weeks, it starts to feel more like work than play. I get tired of slogging through the lessons or following the routine. I start to skip a day or two. I think to myself, It’s just one day. I just need a little break. I’ll get back to it in a little while. Before I know it a couple of days become several and a little while turns into never.

One of the reasons I chose to pursue this 75 Day Challenge was to confront this tendency I have to give up on things when they lose their glitter and turn into drudgery. I want to teach myself that I can stick with my goals even when they get hard or I get bored–that it’s worth the effort I put into it. While this challenge is focused on my writing, I am hoping that the discipline I develop from this challenge will help me fulfill other goals in my life, like losing weight and getting into shape or finally organizing my house.

During the pandemic, I’ve heard a lot of messages that I need to be kind to myself and I need to forgive myself for my mistakes. Sometimes, though, being kind to myself really means that I am making excuses for not following through on something I have committed to doing. Today, for example, I got to work at 7:15 and worked until 5:00. I could have told myself that since I had worked so long I didn’t have to go home and work on my writing challenge. It was understandable that I wouldn’t be able to complete all the tasks I had set for myself. I didn’t do that, though. After dinner, I helped my son with his homework and then I got to work. I really wanted to sit on the couch and play a game on my IPad, but instead I sat at the dining room table and worked on revising my novel. Maybe, I was able to fight off my fatigue because this process is still novel and fun. Whatever the reason, I was able to stay committed and finish Day 3 of my challenge.

Today, I completed the following tasks:

I wrote for 30 minutes.
I read Scrappy Rough Draft for 30 minutes.
I began reading the rough draft of my finished novel.
I read for 30 minutes.
I wrote this blog post.