Book Review: Echo Volume 1: Approaching Shatter by Kent Wayne

Echo Volume 1: Approaching Shatter On Echo, an Earth colony in the distant future, the ruling class and its military fight a group of dissidents looking to overthrow the current regime. Despite the focus on military conflict, Wayne portrays the internal conflict of Kischan Atriya, a seasoned warrior. Atriya’s credo, “refuse to be weak,” has enabled him to attain a measure of success with the elite military unit, the Crusaders. Yet, with each achievement, Atriya continues to doubt his abilities.

While the novel contains one brutal, but crucial, fight scene, there is little external action. The important events occur within Atriya’s own mind as he attempts to pin down the source of his doubt. The introspective hero is a refreshing change from other all-powerful protagonists featured in other dystopian series. Wayne has crafted a protagonist with insecurities that many readers might share.

This novel presents a unique vision of Earth’s future. The writing is vivid. Wayne provides unexpected twists in the plot that keep the reader guessing.

The Long Haul

I’ve had to learn that if I want to succeed as a writer, I need to show up and write every day, even if I don’t feel like it. If I am going to be in writing for the long haul, I have to dedicate myself to it. That means sitting down to write even when I don’t feel well, like when I have a horrible headache and can barely see. Or when I don’t have any ideas. Or it’s the wrong time of day.

I have found that just by showing up every day my brain will give me something to write about. If I am stuck, the act of showing up gets things moving again. It’s not enough to just mull over my ideas. I need to commit to them by writing about them.

When I was a teacher, I had to show up every day, no matter what. Some days, it didn’t matter if I had a fever of 103; I still had to show up. I am trying to treat writing the same way. It’s my job. I might not be earning anything with it right now, but I am still a writer.

via Daily Prompt: Haul

Brain Freeze

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Sometimes, when I sit down to write, my brain freezes. My ideas are frigid, locked behind a wall of icy fear. What if I’m not good enough? What if the final product doesn’t match the image in my head? On these days, my writing stutters across the page, like feet trudging through the slush. I can’t get a foothold on the story I am trying to write. I slip as I chase my elusive character. She won’t tell me who she really wants to be.

Other times, the ideas race from my brain into my pencil, like a river rushing after the Spring thaw. Everything is so clear. I race ahead of my character, my hand barely able to keep up with the words tumbling from my brain.

via Daily Prompt: Frigid

Triggered

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I hate the word, “triggered.” It seems that everyone, whether they have suffered trauma or not, has something that triggers them. As much as I hate the word, it is the only word I can use to describe my reaction to Feast: True Love in and out of the Kitchen by Hannah Howard. Feast is Howard’s memoir about her undergraduate years and her battle with body image and eating disorders. As she described her feelings of inadequacy and shame about her body, I couldn’t help but think about my own life-long struggles with these same issues.

My stomach churning, I went to bed and almost cried. I thought of all the decisions in my life. The times I thought I should have turned left, but instead turned right. Then, I heard my son, Hunter, laugh. He and my husband like to stay up late, so I was in bed before they were. Hearing him laugh shook me out of my misery. I realized that all my decisions have lead me to this place, with my son and my husband. My life isn’t perfect and my career didn’t turn out as I thought it would, but I can still be proud of everything I accomplished.

I wanted to quit reading Feast, but I made myself finish it. By the end of the memoir, Howard learned to deal with her issues and to become a powerful advocate. I felt, if she could do it, as young as she is, I could do it, too, with all the experiences of my 52 years behind me. That is what I am trying to do. Always moving forward, never backward, like a shark, carving through the water of my present and my future.

via Daily Prompt: Churn

Bucket List

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I have been reading this series by Lillianna Blake called Single Wide Female. In the series, the main character, Samantha, has a bucket list of things she promised herself she would do when she lost weight. After losing 80 pounds, she finally decides that she is tired of waiting to explore the items on her bucket list. She is still working on weight loss, but she is tired of putting her life on hold until she is thin enough to live it.

I found this series at the right moment in my life. Something just clicked for me in my 52nd year. I finally felt ready to lose the weight that has plagued me my adult life. I started exercising a couple of weeks ago. I ignored all the little nagging doubts (and the pain in my hip) and just started. I lost five pounds. It doesn’t seem like a lot but that is the first weight I have lost in over a year. Last week, I joined Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time. This time around, I was ready for the structure. I don’t view my diet as a limitation any more but as a stepping stone to a healthier life. I have now lost seven pounds.

Another dream I have always yearned for is to become a writer. Like my weight loss, I started slow. I started writing in my journal. I found a book that would help me tackle the idea I have been thinking about. I started to write more regularly, maybe not every day, but enough to keep the flow of my writing going.

While I don’t have a bucket list that compels me to skydive or walk across hot coals, I am feeling like I want to move out of my comfort zone. I want to see what is out there for me.

via Daily Prompt: Explore

Footstool

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On Christmas, we went to see my dad for Christmas. My grandma’s old footstool was sitting in the family room. For a moment, I stared at it. It looked familiar but I couldn’t seem to place it. Then, I realized where I had seen it. It evoked memories of my grandma’s apartment when I was little.

I can still see her little feet, her ankles crossed, propped on the stool as she sat in her favorite, swiveling chair. When she wasn’t sitting in her chair, I used the stool as a seat. I would sit on it as I watched TV. She would be in the kitchen making lunch: her famous fried chicken or cubed steak.

When she began to slip and was moved to a nursing home, there were only two things I wanted of hers–her cat cookie jar and her set of Uncle Wiggly books. I didn’t want her ruby red glassware which was probably quite valuable or anything else she had (despite her wish that I have all her shoes!). I didn’t think of the little footstool that ended up in my dad’s family room. The cookie jar and the books are the two objects that evoke my strongest memories of her.

Whenever I went to her house, she would have fresh cookies in the smiling cat cookie jar. We spent hours reading the Uncle Wiggly books. She did the funniest voices for the characters. Each book ended with a suggestion for what book to read next. I never got tired of hearing those stories.

For some people, a scent or a sound or a flavor can evoke strong memories, but I tend to focus on objects. The cookie jar and the Uncle Wiggly books symbolize the special moments I shared with my grandmother.

via Daily Prompt: Evoke

Resolution

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I have many resolutions for 2018. I want to lose weight, exercise more, and organize my house. While these resolutions are important, my main focus for 2018 is to write every day. I have an idea for a novel, but I will never write it unless I actually sit down to write. I also want to begin blogging more regularly.

Rather than starting with a huge goal, like writing the novel or gaining 1000 followers, I am going to start with one small goal. Write every day. I just read a blog by K.M. Allen that reminded me that I don’t need to accomplish everything at once. Just like I don’t expect to lose all my weight in a month, I need to remember that writing a novel or building a blog takes time. I need to take it one step at a time.

Step 1: Carve out time to write. I need to set time aside every day to write. Rather than just think about finding some time to write, I need to schedule it just like I would any other commitment.

Step 2: Free myself from constraints. Sometimes, I try to give structure to my writing by following a self-help book about writing. This limits me. I need to just let go and write.

Step 3: Write for at least 30 minutes a day. I can easily find 30 minutes a day. While writing for an hour or longer might seem daunting, writing for 30 minutes seems more reasonable.

Step 4: Celebrate my success. Remember to take time to acknowledge myself when I follow my commitment and to remember the times I have been successful during the times when I am struggling.

via Daily Prompt: Carve

Distortion

I was going through a box of old papers the other day and came across a picture of me and two of my friends at my 8th grade continuation. I was shocked at the picture. When I looked at the picture, I saw three young girls standing together, their arms around each other and smiling into the camera. All three girls were wearing Gunny Sac dresses, the hot brand at the time. All three girls were the same size.

The picture shocked me, because I was sure that I was much larger than the other girls. My mom had made my Gunny Sac dress, rather than buying it in a store, because my dress had to be a special size. When my mom made my clothes, she always cut them a little wider than the pattern called for to hide my weight. I learned at an early age that my chubbiness was a shameful thing that I needed to hide. From the time I was six, when the doctor told my mother, “Madam, this child is obese,” I was on one diet after another.

So, on that happy day of my eighth grade continuation, with my friends, Melanie and Betsy, there was a shadow, because I was wearing a special Gunny Sac dress.

By ninth grade (just three months after that photo), I had finally lost the weight that had plagued me since my childhood. I was barely a size five. When I lay on my bed, I could place a ruler on my hip bones and slide my hand in the space between the ruler and my stomach. Yet, when I looked in the mirror, I still saw the obese girl–unsightly bulges, fat thighs. My mom still sewed for me, but now she said she could buy “normal” patterns.

During college, my weight began to creep up. I jumped up to 112 pounds. My mother became concerned. By the end of college, I weighed 130 pounds. My mother encouraged me to go on a diet. We went shopping for clothes for my first job. She went with me so I would buy the right clothes to hide my weight. When I looked in the three way mirror, I still saw that obese little girl. I despaired that I had let myself gain all this weight and vowed to diet. I spent the rest of the summer on a grueling 1000 calorie a day diet. I lost a mere seven pounds. My mom said I still had a ways to go. When I looked in the mirror, an obese girl stared back at me.

Change in Tagline

I decided to change my tagline. I don’t want to be known as a procrastinator anymore. I am trying very hard to change that habit. If I proclaim it on my blog, I am still owning the title. Procrastinating makes my life a lot more stressful than it needs to be. I have sat through so many marathon grading sessions. I always wait until Sundays to do my papers for my PhD program. I always get A’s, but I’d rather relax on Sunday rather than stress out. I want to be one of those people who gets things done.

My Commitment

I have decided to stop dreaming about becoming a writer and start writing. I saw a quote today that said, “I am only a writer when I am writing.” Whenever I ask myself what I want to do with my life, the only answer that resounds in my mind is “write.” By starting a blog, I am committing to becoming a writer. I can only become a writer if I am writing.