Daily Prompt: Crank

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Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

I have found the best way to crank up my creativity is to keep writing. I find that, when I take a break from writing, my creativity decreases. I need the daily routine of putting my ideas on paper to keep the ideas flowing. The more I write, the more ideas I seem to have. That seems counter intuitive, but I find that it is true.

Usually, I write in the evening after my son has finished his tasks for his online school, after I have worked on my dissertation, and after my chores are done. Throughout the day, my mind will simmer as it prepares itself for the writing ahead. By the time, I sit down to write I find that the plot point I was worrying over usually works itself out or an idea will come for my blog or a journal entry.

LIke exercise, the regular routine of writing keeps my brain agile.

via Daily Prompt: Crank

Disrupting Fear

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Sometimes,  to disrupt my feelings of insecurity and fear, I need to step out of my comfort zone and do something different. Last year, around this time, I had just found out I was losing my job. I had been a teacher for 20 years, the last 15 years at the school where I was non-renewed. I was faced with uncertainty. What would I do now? I was going to apply for other teaching positions, but having been nonrenewed for performance, I knew that finding another job was going to be difficult. I had to think of alternatives. Teaching was not my passion. For me, it was just a job. What was my passion?

I knew that I was happiest when I was writing. I had had a couple of pieces covered in small journals, but that was years ago. As I dealt with the increasing demands of teaching, my writing had gone to the wayside. But I still had ideas floating around in my head that refused to go away.

Last year, I stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to look for ways to start a blog. That is how I found WordPress. Writing on WordPress helped give me hope that there were other things I could do with my life besides teaching. Writing was one of them.

This year, I am going to step out of my comfort zone again. I am going to sign up for Christian Mihai’s program, From 0 to 5K in Six Months. I had the same fears I had when I started my blog. What if he doesn’t like what I write? What if I’m no good? I realized I had to step out of these comfortable fears that keep me from taking the risks I need to grow.

via Daily Prompt: Disrupt

Book Review: Echo Volume 1: Approaching Shatter by Kent Wayne

Echo Volume 1: Approaching ShatterOn Echo, an Earth colony in the distant future, the ruling class and its military fight a group of dissidents looking to overthrow the current regime. Despite the focus on military conflict, Wayne portrays the internal conflict of Kischan Atriya, a seasoned warrior. Atriya’s credo, “refuse to be weak,” has enabled him to attain a measure of success with the elite military unit, the Crusaders. Yet, with each achievement, Atriya continues to doubt his abilities.

While the novel contains one brutal, but crucial, fight scene, there is little external action. The important events occur within Atriya’s own mind as he attempts to pin down the source of his doubt. The introspective hero is a refreshing change from other all-powerful protagonists featured in other dystopian series. Wayne has crafted a protagonist with insecurities that many readers might share.

This novel presents a unique vision of Earth’s future. The writing is vivid. Wayne provides unexpected twists in the plot that keep the reader guessing.

The Long Haul

I’ve had to learn that if I want to succeed as a writer, I need to show up and write every day, even if I don’t feel like it. If I am going to be in writing for the long haul, I have to dedicate myself to it. That means sitting down to write even when I don’t feel well, like when I have a horrible headache and can barely see. Or when I don’t have any ideas. Or it’s the wrong time of day.

I have found that just by showing up every day my brain will give me something to write about. If I am stuck, the act of showing up gets things moving again. It’s not enough to just mull over my ideas. I need to commit to them by writing about them.

When I was a teacher, I had to show up every day, no matter what. Some days, it didn’t matter if I had a fever of 103; I still had to show up. I am trying to treat writing the same way. It’s my job. I might not be earning anything with it right now, but I am still a writer.

via Daily Prompt: Haul

Brain Freeze

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Sometimes, when I sit down to write, my brain freezes. My ideas are frigid, locked behind a wall of icy fear. What if I’m not good enough? What if the final product doesn’t match the image in my head? On these days, my writing stutters across the page, like feet trudging through the slush. I can’t get a foothold on the story I am trying to write. I slip as I chase my elusive character. She won’t tell me who she really wants to be.

Other times, the ideas race from my brain into my pencil, like a river rushing after the Spring thaw. Everything is so clear. I race ahead of my character, my hand barely able to keep up with the words tumbling from my brain.

via Daily Prompt: Frigid

Triggered

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I hate the word, “triggered.” It seems that everyone, whether they have suffered trauma or not, has something that triggers them. As much as I hate the word, it is the only word I can use to describe my reaction to Feast: True Love in and out of the Kitchen by Hannah Howard. Feast is Howard’s memoir about her undergraduate years and her battle with body image and eating disorders. As she described her feelings of inadequacy and shame about her body, I couldn’t help but think about my own life-long struggles with these same issues.

My stomach churning, I went to bed and almost cried. I thought of all the decisions in my life. The times I thought I should have turned left, but instead turned right. Then, I heard my son, Hunter, laugh. He and my husband like to stay up late, so I was in bed before they were. Hearing him laugh shook me out of my misery. I realized that all my decisions have lead me to this place, with my son and my husband. My life isn’t perfect and my career didn’t turn out as I thought it would, but I can still be proud of everything I accomplished.

I wanted to quit reading Feast, but I made myself finish it. By the end of the memoir, Howard learned to deal with her issues and to become a powerful advocate. I felt, if she could do it, as young as she is, I could do it, too, with all the experiences of my 52 years behind me. That is what I am trying to do. Always moving forward, never backward, like a shark, carving through the water of my present and my future.

via Daily Prompt: Churn

Bucket List

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I have been reading this series by Lillianna Blake called Single Wide Female. In the series, the main character, Samantha, has a bucket list of things she promised herself she would do when she lost weight. After losing 80 pounds, she finally decides that she is tired of waiting to explore the items on her bucket list. She is still working on weight loss, but she is tired of putting her life on hold until she is thin enough to live it.

I found this series at the right moment in my life. Something just clicked for me in my 52nd year. I finally felt ready to lose the weight that has plagued me my adult life. I started exercising a couple of weeks ago. I ignored all the little nagging doubts (and the pain in my hip) and just started. I lost five pounds. It doesn’t seem like a lot but  that is the first weight I have lost in over a year. Last week, I joined Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time. This time around, I was ready for the structure. I don’t view my diet as a limitation any more but as a stepping stone to a healthier life. I have now lost seven pounds.

Another dream I have always yearned for is to become a writer. Like my weight loss, I started slow. I started writing in my journal. I found a book that would help me tackle the idea I have been thinking about. I started to write more regularly, maybe not every day, but enough to keep the flow of my writing going.

While I don’t have a bucket list that compels me to skydive or walk across hot coals, I am feeling like I want to move out of my comfort zone. I want to see what is out there for me.

via Daily Prompt: Explore

Radiant 52

I have never thought of myself as a radiant person. I am more like a hide-my-light-under-a-bushel-basket person. As I grow older, however, I feel less inclined to hide behind the expectations of others. At 52, I want to be who I am with no apologies and no hiding. I am tired of apologizing for who I am.

This is the year I am going to make my life reflect who I am on my terms. My 52nd year will be the year that I make the changes I want to make. I have stopped the self-recriminations: why didn’t I do this at 32? or 42? The important thing is that I am doing it now. I am going to come out from under the bushel basket and be radiant.

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via Daily Prompt: Radiant

Footstool

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On Christmas, we went to see my dad for Christmas. My grandma’s old footstool was sitting in the family room. For a moment, I stared at it. It looked familiar but I couldn’t seem to place it. Then, I realized where I had seen it. It evoked memories of my grandma’s apartment when I was little.

I can still see her little feet, her ankles crossed, propped on the stool as she sat in her favorite, swiveling chair. When she wasn’t sitting in her chair, I used the stool as a seat. I would sit on it as I watched TV. She would be in the kitchen making lunch: her famous fried chicken or cubed steak.

When she began to slip and was moved to a nursing home, there were only two things I wanted of hers–her cat cookie jar and her set of Uncle Wiggly books. I didn’t want her ruby red glassware which was probably quite valuable or anything else she had (despite her wish that I have all her shoes!). I didn’t think of the little footstool that ended up in my dad’s family room. The cookie jar and the books are the two objects that evoke my strongest memories of her.

Whenever I went to her house, she would have fresh cookies in the smiling cat cookie jar. We spent hours reading the Uncle Wiggly books. She did the funniest voices for the characters. Each book ended with a suggestion for what book to read next. I never got tired of hearing those stories.

For some people, a scent or a sound or a flavor can evoke strong memories, but I tend to focus on objects. The cookie jar and the Uncle Wiggly books symbolize the special moments I shared with my grandmother.

via Daily Prompt: Evoke