Adrift without a compass

When I was in high school, we had to take a class as part of our PE credit. It was called Outdoor Living. We spent most of the class inside. One thing our teacher tried to teach us was how to read maps and a compass. For the final, he gave us a homemade map and a compass. We had to use the map and the compass to find a particular spot on our high school campus. My friend and I wandered around for most of the class period completely lost. Even though we knew where we were as far as our campus, we could never quite figure out how where we were related to our destination. Our teacher finally had to come find us.

I feel the same way now. After finishing a stint at our local community college, I am again without a job. I find myself lost within the familiar confines of my life. Nothing feels the same. I can see where I am on the map, but I don’t know how to get where I am going. I am not even sure of my destination anymore. What is it that I want to do? How am I going to earn a living? Where is my compass?

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via Daily Prompt: Compass

Glaring

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One habit I have tried to cultivate this summer is to write down three to five things I feel grateful for every day. It is the first thing I do every morning, as I plan my day. Some days, it feels like it is hard to find things to be grateful for. I find myself facing a huge shift in my life. After losing my teaching job of fifteen years, I have to decide what to do with myself. I have been unable to find another teaching job, so I must decide where to go from here. I find myself looking back at the arc of my life–all the glaring errors I made. The times I turned left when I should have turned right. But I can’t dwell on those choices. I have new choices to make, so I focus on those things that I am grateful for:

I have a wonderful son and husband.
I have a home with food to eat.
I have my education that provides me with opportunities.
I now have time to write.
The future awaits.

via Daily Prompt: Glaring

Change in Tagline

I decided to change my tagline. I don’t want to be known as a procrastinator anymore. I am trying very hard to change that habit. If I proclaim it on my blog, I am still owning the title. Procrastinating makes my life a lot more stressful than it needs to be. I have sat through so many marathon grading sessions. I always wait until Sundays to do my papers for my PhD program. I always get A’s, but I’d rather relax on Sunday rather than stress out. I want to be one of those people who gets things done.

Better

I have a morning journal that I write in. It’s called the Sunrise Manifesto. It’s a guided journal that also serves as a simple daily planner. One of the prompts makes me think of how I can make my day better. I like that idea. Rather than beating myself up for what I didn’t do yesterday, I think about what I could have done better and what I will do today to improve. It reminds me that I can always do better. Each day is a fresh start. With this mind set, I have started to move ahead on more of my goals. I have started to make writing a part of my daily life (with this blog). I have started to tackle the clutter in my house (cleaned my desk–baby steps). I have started eating more healthily (cutting out the junk food before dinner). I have found that it’s the small steps moving forward that are helping me make things better.

via Daily Prompt: Better

There’s None Left

Sometimes, I wake up and I think, There’s none left. I don’t have anymore to give. I get up anyway and face the day. My son, Hunter, smiles at me and tells me he loves me. He always has something to give. I think, I can face the day for him.

I go to school. One of my students, D’Avonte, the one who used to hate me who now calls me his second mother, says, “Mom, can I sit by you today?” I think, I can face the day for him.

I go to the office. In my box is a letter from Safaa, it says, “Thank you for teaching me to be a leader, and not a follower.” I think, I can face the day for her.

I go to class. Hope hugs me without saying a word. I think, I can face the day for her.

I go to pick up Hunter from school. He dances when he sees me. I think, I had more to give after all.

via Daily Prompt: None

Control

So many things are out of my control lately. I lost my teaching job after 15 years of loyal service. No one is calling me for an interview. My mother’s health is declining. My son is growing up. I am growing older.

While I can’t control these things, I can focus on the things I can control.

I can get up every morning and go to my teaching job for the last few weeks I have it. I can continue to make a difference until the last day.

I can write every day. I can share my unique perspective with the world and learn from the perspectives of others.

I can make choices to improve my health and my outlook on life. I can eat healthy foods and exercise.

Maybe, I can’t control the challenges that life chooses to give me, but I can control how I choose to meet them.

via Daily Prompt: Control